David Peckinpaugh
Broadening our view can loosen our grasping at self and allow us to realize how our own mental fabrications and habits obscure our peaceful nature.
When our normal reactivity comes upon us we need
not grasp at those habits of re-action. Though we may not yet be silent in
our meditation.... nor empty... we are at least not i-dentifying with our former
content, our former impulses to reactivity.
There is a level of detachment from the prior
prison of attachments to this thought, that thought. There is a sense of new
freedom. The cascade of choices parades before us...... what shall one choose?
But wait.... not just yet.....
Oftentimes there is goal at the beginning of mediation that is
assumed. There is an assumption of some pristine land of pure mind that is just
a sitting or two away. This may or may not be the case.... there are no
guarantees here.
A goal may get us to sit. But a goal will never get us
en-lightened. Goals are always defined beforehand..... we know what we want,
right? But who defines enlightenment beforehand? Better off to just surrender
those goals on the cushion... or upon the road with each footfall.
What we do
We sit. We walk. We share with Life and hopefully do so from a
"broader view". No longer are we drawing our identity from the
limitations of our yesterdays. In simple sitting meditation, or a walking
contemplation, there is the awareness of the content of mind with no
"need" to run with a thought. There is also no resistance to a thought
or thoughts. The mind-river flows. When it stills we will Witness that as well.
When the mind-river flows we are okay with that.
There is no goal
Honestly. There is no
goal, other than what Is. And, That Which Is, may or may not have a goal. In the
beginning---which is every moment---we are better off making no assumptions. Our
practicing must be free or the practitioner will never know freedom.
The more assumptions we make while
sitting/walking, or prior to sitting/walking, the more we obscure the arisings,
the comings and goings of what Is. And meditation is first and foremost an
investigation into the Nature of what Is through consciousness
in/exploration.
A Cultural
Dilemma
Those of us indoctrinated into the passions of the Western
mind have a great burden to wrestle with. From the time of a young age we are
asked by the adults in our life what we are going to be when we grow up. Is the
assumption that we have to play a role in life, that we have to
identify with a chosen dream or drama, that we must choose our poison at
a young age, and live within the bed we have willingly made? Is the assumption
that we are not enough, that we are not Sufficient Being, Being Itself, even at
the age of four? Is it the assumption that we have to "know" what we
want to do? Is the assumption that we have to live with a goal in mind? That we
cannot just accept and embrace Life-Flow, the Dynamic Organistic Unfolding that just
Is?
The Curse of
Sisyphus
Sisyphus, in Greek mythology, was a greedy king
who was doomed to forever roll a heavy stone uphill, only to have it always roll
down again. What was Sisyphus' curse? His greed? His one-pointedness? His lack
of concern for anything other than his personal agenda of getting that stone to
stay on top of the hill? All of these?
The Curse of Sisyphus is always
an implied threat within a rigid, one-pointed, goal-directed orientation to life
and living. The achievement of a goal is often like that... is like pushing a
heavy stone uphill only to see it roll back down again. And then what? Do we get
behind that stone and push our goalish/ghoulish burden uphill once again? Or may
there be another way?
Is there a way out of the
Curse of Sisyphus?
Sure there is...... The voices of countless
Buddhas and Christs sing in chorus, pointing out a harmolodic way to be freed of
the chains of the Sisyphean tasks we have self-chosen.
There is a dictionary here to my left. It is
opened out to a page of S's, a page where Sisyphus is directly followed by the
word "sit". Coincidence? Meaningful placement?
From my understanding, the way free of the
burden of one who follows in the footsteps of Sisyphus is just that..... to
"sit". Sisyphus is cursed by the burden of "having to".
Sisyphus "has to" push that rock up that hill... and when it rolls
back down the hill he will walk back down to the where the rock rests and begin
to push that rock up the hill once again. He is cursed and can "know"
no other way.
And, in as much as we follow such a path as
Sisyphus does, we can know nothing but burdens and drudgery. Why doesn't
Sisyphus just sit, just let the rock be if that is where the rock wants to rest?
It is because he is cursed. Sisyphus has had a spell cast upon him. Sisyphus
believes there is something to be gained or earned by pushing that heavy stone
up that hill.... and he will never rest..... he is doomed forever to repeat this
task. Sisyphus is blinded by the spell, the curse.
Are we?
I often wonder as I look around and see and
observe fellow persons toiling away at fruitless endeavors. The countenance
never lies. Some are trying to push the relationship rock up the hill when that
rock wants to rest at the bottom; others are trying to push the career rock up
the hill when that career rock just wants to rest at the bottom of the hill;
trying.... trying.... trying... always trying so damn hard.
I personally see and have known the faces of such exasperated
efforts. I am the face of such exasperated effort..... I have pushed the
Sisyphean rock up the hills of life only to watch it roll back down to the point
of origin. I question the curse, though. I now know that I am not cursed unless
I choose to not surrender... choose to not "sit"... Unless I choose to
cease pushing those rocks up those hills I am still cursed.
Goal greedy
What are we looking to gain by our efforts? What
are we looking to acquire? What or who is it that we want to get our hands on?
What goal are we greedy for? What outcome are we attached to? What if we get
that rock to stay at the top of the hill? What financial outcome will result?
What relationship outcome will be won? What transpersonal outcome will be
realized? What meditative outcome secured? What rock are we hell bent on pushing
to the top of the mountain? And what have we promised ourselves as a
reward?
Sit
No goal. No promise. No guarantee of realization. But at least
you won't have to go on pushing that dang blasted rock any longer.
As it is necessary to diagnose the sickness, to abandon its cause, attain the happiness of good health, and apply medicine for it, the suffering should be recognized, the cause should be abandoned, the remedy for cessation should be applied, and cessation attained.Asanga Sisyphus is blind to his cursed condition. He knows not what
he does. Sisyphus does not understand that cessation of his goal, his greed, his
conviction is the one and only cure for the curse. Only by giving up the cause
of his suffering---the need to get that rock to the top and have it stay
there---will Sisyphus know the cessation of his dis-ease, his
curse.
The same goes for us. We can start meditation, or another
contemplative practice with a goal in mind---we can choose to push a rock
uphill----but after a time that goal will have to be relinquished. We will tire
of the rock pushing, if we are lucky, and/or fortunate enough to be near an
honorable teacher/guide/friend that will point out to us the illusion of our
Sisyphean efforts.
Yet, some of us go on until we are beaten and bruised,
bloodied and near to death. We may appear to spend our whole lives pushing rocks
up hills---only to see them roll right back to where both rock and self
started. I often wonder what kind of I/eye sees in such conditions. What is
present and so habituated, that would be such a strong force within someone,
that it would make one believe that they "had to" push this rock up
that hill---even if it wasn't going to stay?
Greed
Greed can be very subtle. Greed can even be a well-meaning
gesture. If we are not exceedingly intimate with our own consciousness, we can
be seduced into imagining that our goals are less than greedy.... are in fact
honorable.
In truth we may not know how greedy our goals really are. If
our goals serve to ice-o-late us from Life, from the actual Livingness here and
now, then we are acting greedily.
There is a very subtle process at work here that can go
unrecognized. Upon the surface of the mind there is all of that
"stuff" that pertains to the major goals we hold to at present. There
is on the surface of the mind that which leads to the goal and that which
distracts from the goal of choice. One moves towards that which is assumed to be
a help towards the goal. Right? For instance, we see someone who can assist us
with our rock pushing, and then we recruit them with a future promise of reward.
On the other hand, that which distracts us from the goal of pushing that rock up
the hill is distanced from, is negated from our awareness... or even talked down
to as being less than. Someone or other may have pushed a similar rock up a hill
and comes along to tell us that it is a wasted endeavor.... well, this doesn't
sit too well, does it? This is not what we want to hear, is it? So, we'll rebel.
We'll show them. It'll be different for us, won't it? You'll see.... just
wait.... you'll see!!
Will it?
Will it be different for
us? Will that rock be allowed to stay up on top of the hill for once... a
testament to our superior ingenuity and stick-to-it-iveness? No doubt there are
those who, being exceedingly goal-directed, will try and prove that Sisyphus
just doesn't know how to balance that rock on the peak. But this isn't the
point. The point is that a greedy stubbornness is an affliction. It doesn't
matter what this one-pointed greed relates to. It is the quality of the seeker,
the one-pointed driven masterslave, that matters. It is for those who see
nothing but that which will assist them to their rock-pushing goal who are
cursed like Sisyphus. Head-down, grunting and groaning, exasperated at the
finish that never comes... one more try... one more try.... one more try......
and.....
Never surrender
Again, the Curse of Sisyphus is that he
cannot give up his goal. His greed, his need to get that rock to stay at the top
of the hill where all can see and proclaim and pronounce his rock pushing
prowess has blinded him. Sisyphus cannot surrender. Sisyphus is attached to
outcome.
Those who are living under that same spell and curse
"need" a goal to get moving--- a goal to move towards. Some sort of
external change is sought... some sort of rock movement from here to there...
some sort of cosmic re-shuffling is greedily sought. A goal....... A need.... An
illusion still.
Stopping
There is only one way. Yes, there is only one way to stop. To
stop. The only way to wake up from the spell of a Sisyphean task is to wake up
from the spell of a Sisyphean task. Stop. Stop pushing rocks up hills. Stop.
Stop seeking peak experiences. Stop. Stop seeking a greater love. Stop. Stop
endeavoring to fulfill the already full, to empty the already empty, to abate
the already abated, to give to the already gifted, to abstain from the
unabstainable. Stop.
Meditation as mediation
medicine
To be "in the middle" is to meditate..... a stopping
in the center. To not draw lines.... not take up poles... not choose sides.....
to not form allegiances with good or bad is to mediate/meditate. To meditate is
to be mediated by...... mediated by a pure medicine...... a
measured dosage of purity that is choiceless...... purity beyond the notion of
worldly goals and games, agendas and creeds.
For this reason meditation is bliss. How so? In a more or less
normal sense we are always choosing, dividing, limiting. Right? Life becomes
separate as we choose a this over a that. Life becomes constricted. As choices
to align with this prevent me from fully embracing that I feel the separation.
In, and as, meditation, it is possible that there are no such boundaries... no
such separations... no such lines of choice and division. As one allows What Is
Present in meditation to be just so...... Bliss arises.....
maybe.
Meditation, for us, ends when there is disruption of
Grace, Grace with What Is. When we are no longer feeling the Grace of What
Is we are back to choosing and dividing..... and separated from the mediated
Presence of authentic meditation. Meditation allows... does not pick and choose.
Meditation, for me, is not concentration.... concentration is something
different. Concentration on a mantra is not for me meditation. Meditation is
also, for me, not a visual phenomena... is not visualization. Meditation is
different from any of these goal-directed, one-pointed paths. Meditation is the
resting in choicelessness, where no-thing is divided from no other thing, where
no-thing is sought, where no-thing is chosen. Meditation is naked of motive and
allows rest to come to the weary choice-makers...... no more pushing on rocks or
thoughts... no more chasing of phantoms and ghouls.... no more resistance to
this or that. Meditation. Perhaps silent..... maybe raucous. Still, no less.
May Sisyphus rest. Just so in his choiceless sitting.
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