Dear Baba,

My wife, Nina, and I arrived safely and without much difficulty at about 8 P.M. (New York Time). We were worried that we would not be able to find place on the plane from Bombay to Beirut. But Mr. Pattani, whom we accompanied to Bombay, kept saying, "Baba would not have told us to leave if you were not going to be able to get away this morning." And he was right, for at the last minute there were a few cancellations and we flew away easily.

As we left, we were both very sad, and it has taken us several days to adjust to being away from you. Even now as I write, my eyes are wet and I long to sit with you. As you told me one day last week, "Now I have got you." You have swiftly changed my life by directing me to the truth and the goal. Please do not leave me alone, now that I am far away. You have given me the seed, but I am a garden that needs much tending. I am still begging for the Shakti and right understanding, so that I will not be overcome by my own ignorance and despair.

You have told me about the value of asanas, regularity of life, discrimination in diet and all other habits, and, above all, you told me to maintain myself in the truth of Vedanta -- "Identify yourself with him who is the witness to the sleeping, waking, and dreaming states."

When I asked you how I should do this meditation, you said, "Do nothing." All of these suggestions had an effect on me. After two days of trying merely to be relaxed in your presence, I realized that I could not "do nothing", and the truth of Vedanta and everything else you told me seemed too dry and distant and unavailable to me. On the third day, in the morning, as soon as I sat down before you for the morning recitation, I began to work inside at surrender, and all day that day my head and back moved violently. All during the day you encouraged these movements in me and called me "Kriyananda" all that day because of them. Twice you placed your hand on me. The first time I responded by closing my eyes, twisting about, and raising my hands into mudras. The second time, in the meditation, I fell backwards away from you.

At the end of that day I was exhausted from so much kriya. On the fourth and final day after the noon meal I went to the room to pack. I thought I would rest for a few minutes since I felt my last few hours at the Ashram were precious time. But as I lay down, I became very weary and felt a need to sleep. I felt myself going into a deep trance-like sleep in which somehow I was blissfully conscious. Then suddenly I became aware of my body. A sudden breath or snore came through my throat, and I realized I was experiencing a consciousness of my body that was completely detached and free.

Just then Nina came into the room to rest. I continued to lie still and then fell asleep. Later we went down for the afternoon recitation. I felt sad to be leaving. You had not called me "Kriyananda" that last day. I had not yet understood the meaning of my afternoon "sleep", but I somehow felt I had your parting message and blessing with me. I felt a certain calmness, and since there was little movement I assumed that "Kriyananda" was not a name you intended for me to keep. I felt you were really leading me to a place where there is no movement (kriyas) at all.

Then, as the day went on, I began to think about my experience. I began to see that my experience in the early afternoon was of the "witness", the Self who is behind all the modifications of the mind. I saw then that all that you had told me earlier in our visit was not mere logic and intellectual description. It was a living truth to be experienced consciously and in depth. And now that we have returned to New York, I recognize this truth of the Vedanta to be the essential thing you sought to teach me. As I think about the Ashram, I realize that you are the Guru who liberates his children by leading them to experience their identity with the Self.

This truth, even though my deep resistance makes it impossible for me to experience it very frequently with any depth, is and will be extremely liberating for me. It is the very basis of sadhana and its goal. And it makes it very clear just how I must manage myself in relation to my daily experience. This truth is my joy, and you, Baba, are my joy because you are leading me to a full realization of this truth. Please bless me with gratitude and surrender so that the obstacles in me will be overcome.

Nina and I long to be with you again. We send our love to all of your children.

April 10, 1968
New York

Your child,
Franklin Jones