sRI sRI yESsIREE

Doings at the Sunnyland Sanitarium for the Psychically Challenged

(by Elias)

As those closest to my Heart know, my principle source of income these days is as correspondence secretary and gofer to sRI sRI yESsIREE (Sri Bob's Uncle).

sRI sRI yESsIREE is the last of the Oldtime Truly Crazy Adepts.

Now in his late sixties, sRI sRI attained (what he named) tHE sILENT pERFECTION oF sUGAR sAMADHI at the age of seventeen, while binge-eating Milky Way candy bars with his girlfriend Fiona Pink in the backseat of a 1967 Chevy Impala.

Fiona had to drive home that night, and for the next seven years sRI sRI lay in bed with wide-open staring eyes, lost in the profound deeps of God Realization. His faithful Fiona stayed at his side, feeding him his beloved candy bars -- Milky Ways, Snickers, Forever Yours, and the occasional Nestle's Crunch.

Well...we need to be exact -- he didn't actually lay in bed the whole time. One day a week he would rouse from his sAMADHI to go to the bathroom...then he would beat his head against the wall for about an hour, to bring his consciousness down to human level.

Thenceforth he would pour forth a torrent of words, ecstatic revelations of all that he had seen and heard in the sWEET bEYOND bEYOND... Faithful Fiona tape recorded those sessions (fortunately) and later transcribed them, and they eventually became the book titled The Uncountabajillion Big Spiritual Ideas of sRI sRI yESsIREE (now in its thirty-seventh printing).

...Anyway, to get to the point, sRI sRI yESsIREE is currently housed at The Sunnyland Sanitarium for the Psychically Challenged, in upstate New York. This marvelous institution was purposely built smack up against Interstate 787 just north of Albany, because of the proven centering effect of watching traffic.

It's quite a startling sight, I assure you, to drive that freeway and pass this imposing steel and glass building with its wide windows crowded with the empty grinning faces of the spiritually insane... And there, in their midst, sits Uncle sRI sRI, as peaceful as a mountain, a half-eaten candy bar always in hand...

Now, as to why Uncle sRI sRI finds himself in such an institution...that's a complex question in need of a simple answer. For as the last of the Oldtime Truly Crazy Adepts, a man of sRI sRI yESsIREE's stature would seem to have no place in an asylum for the shakti-damaged, meditation-wrecked, former Moonies and ex-Adidamites, and archetypally-afflicted New Agers...or would he?

The fact is, Uncle sRI sRI asked to be committed to Sunnyland. According to him, he has a mission to the modern Western "masts"...the kundalini-burnt and New Age flash-outs who are now being warehoused all over America in institutions like Sunnyland. ...Also, his relatives (and yours truly) grew tired of cleaning up after him.

Currently I visit him every other day, to read him his e-mail and take shorthand notes of his spiritual ravings. Sometimes I write my friends from Sunnyland, using the laptop and modem that Sri Bob gave his Uncle for his birthday...(sRI sRI only plays Duke Nukem on it).

I always bring a shopping bag full of candy bars, for the dear Adept is never without his Milky Way, his Snickers, his Nestle's Crunch, or a recent favorite, his Reese's Peanut Butter Cup (which he wolfs down by the dozen).

I am always astonished at the simplicity and luminosity of the man...there he sits, in his sugar samadhi, stinking like a swamp, his eyes brimming with love and compassion, a huge smile behind his bushy beard...the stumps of rotted teeth peeking out through his whiskers...

The Sunnyland inmates come and give their meager offerings, to receive his blessing. They are grateful to have the last of the Oldtime Truly Crazy Adepts in their midst -- especially one as transcendent and exalted as sRI sRI yESsIREE.

They also like the candy prasad treats he gives them.

Just so. For now.

Elias (secretary and gofer to sRI sRI yESsIREE (Bob's Uncle))